Salty Sal

I just came home from the mall.  I had to go to Target to get some toothpaste and toilet paper.  Otherwise, I stay away from that place like the plague.  Too many whiny children and slow people who balance their checkbooks at the cash register. Then I stopped at the grocery store because my sister, Saucy Serita, is coming for supper tonight.  She likes fancy food, so to impress her I went to the case where they keep the expensive cheese to find something to munch on with a glass of Mogen David before supper.  I usually slice up some Velveeta and slap it on a Ritz, but her tastes are too uppity for that.  I can't even pronounce the names of what she eats. I looked through all the cute little packages with the colorful lables. They had names like Camembert, Gouda, Brie de Meaux, Gyuyere, and Scamorza. Good lord, who knew there were so many different kinds of cheese! Parmesan and Mozzarella were the only exotic cheeses I knew about.  And the tiny foil wrapped chunks cost more than the gallon of Mogen David wine. How did I know which one she would like? I had no clue. Finally I settled on the Gyuyere because it had a cute little girl on the label with blonde braids tied with red ribbons.  Now to find some "gourmet" crackers.  Luckily, there were plenty of choices right next to the cheese.  I grabbed a package of about 10 crackers that looked paper thin, had some seeds on them and cost more than a whole box of Ritz. It blew a hole in my food budget to buy this stuff, but when I eat at Saucy's house she always brings out the best for me. I don't always like her frou frou food, but she always makes me feel special!  I thought I better do the same for her once in awhile or she'll stop inviting me over. And not only do I feel special at her house, but she knows all the family gossip. 
   What really got to me when I was out and about today was the Christmas decorations in the stores.  And Santa is at the mall already!  Shouldn't he still be busy at the North Pole making baby dolls and toy trains?  It's not even Advent yet, much less Thanksgiving. Does anybody even know what Advent is anymore?  I think not. Years ago I boycotted stores that played Christmas music before Thanksgiving was over.  I love Christmas music, but it's not special when it's played so early and so much.  Nowadays I'd have to have my groceries delivered if I boycotted stores that had Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Some people even have their Christmas tree up in their homes already.  Fake ones, of course. But that gives me an idea. I'm going to tell myself that before Thanksgiving it's all fake Christmas. Not the real thing. Maybe that will keep me from going over the edge every time I hear "Jingle Bells" in the weeks before Thanksgiving.