Ten Things I've Tried That Didn't Work Out

1. When we lived in Wyoming I rode around the block on a friend's Harley and thought I could be a biker babe. A few weeks later Lenny and I went to Ft. Collins, CO and bought a 2008 Screamin' Eagle Series Harley, or something like that. Also, I bought a low cut Harley tank-top, a helmet and a pink Harley doo-rag. (Thank goodness I held off on the boob job and the tramp stamp.) A few days after we brought the bike home we rode 20 miles down the highway to a bar in Glenrock. That was enough.  Too noisy, too windy, no way to read a book or work a word puzzle. I did enjoy holding onto Lenny, but I can do that at home. 

2.  I've tried to have short hair.  I love the convenience, but the style doesn't suit me. I always end up with longish hair.  I like barrets, headbands, and putting my hair up.  

3.  I've tried to be a decent housekeeper, but I don't enjoy cleaning and its not important to me. I've surrendered to "good enough". If you visit me and my bathroom isn't clean enough for you, there's a nice one at the Tesoro Station at the end of our street.

4.  I've tried to stick to an exercise program.  Curves, Tai Chi, Zumba, gym memberships, walking programs... I don't seem to be able to discipline myself to get past the boring part. Any suggestions?

5.  I've tried to eat different kinds of cheeses. I only like string cheese and melted cheese. Oh, and Parmesan. If there is cheese on my sandwich I will remove it!  

6.  I tried to be a high adrenalin emergency cardiac nurse.  Didn't work. Patients in cardiac arrest don't need a calm and quietly reassuring Zen nurse.  They need a fast acting, quick thinking, adrenalin rushing Type A nurse to shock them, push the appropriate meds, and get their heart back in sync. Not me. 

7.  I've tried to enjoy watching Big Joe's Polka Party on RFD TV 
Saturday nights with Lenny. I admire the elderly couples hopping around the dance floor in coordinating polyester outfits, but the music is like fingernails on a chalkboard.  

8.  Years ago I tried smoking cigarettes. Thank goodness I was too 
cheap to ever buy more than a pack or two. 

9.  I tried to play golf when I worked with a group of women who were passionate about golf.  I took lessons, I hit buckets of balls. I did everything except buy the cute skort outfit. It never caught on with me.  I should have known.  I've never been described as athletic or competitive. 

10. I've tried to have a sense of direction and be a navigator, but I manage to get lost in a restaurant heading back to my table from the salad bar!  I'd always felt silly about my direction deficit until a few years ago when a kind optometrist was examining my eyes. He commented on my extreme near-sightedness, saying that it's an evolutionary trait.  He told me that in the days when travel was very slow and there were no maps, it was necessary for the far- sighted people to look in the distance and plan the trip accordingly. The near-sighted people kept journals and documented each step of the journey.  I believed him because that fits me exactly!