December 29, 2012

Dear Diary, Wow, It's the end of another year.  They fly by so fast.  Most days feel like a timed computer game that I can't keep up with. I would like to stop time and just catch up. Most of our bills are due on the 1st and it seems like its always the 1st. I try to step out of the race, but the race comes to me. Is it technology that makes everything seem so urgent? Yesterday I spent 2 hours or more negotiating with an insurance company to get enough pain medication for a dying cancer patient to carry him through the long week-end. Half of the time I was on hold. Technology impeded that process because it was impersonal.  I wasn't able to speak to a person who cared about the patient.  Just call center personnel who are good people, but are obligated to follow a script and not deviate. I want to vent my frustration on them, but I know they're just doing their job. When I get home it's hard to turn off the adrenalin rush that kicks in when I'm faced with more human suffering and need than I have energy for. I don't go back to work now until Wednesday.  I'm hoping my adrenalin surge will back off into it's rightful place and I'll feel some peace this long week-end.